No More
by LN8866
Summary: Fiona makes a decision that has an impact on everyone's future.
1. Chapter 1

Fiona paced nervously in the hotel lobby. She had called Sam and asked to meet with him at the hotel, wanting to talk to Sam in a place that Michael almost never went. The last thing she wanted was Michael interrupting this conversation with Sam.

Waving from the elevator, Sam shouted Fiona's name. "Fi! Over here!" She walked over and looked around nervously. "Everything ok Fi? You look nervous and you sounded anxious on the phone. Mikey alright?"

"He's fine, but I'm not. Can we talk privately, maybe in a room or office?" Fiona asked, looking around the lobby. She bit her lip as soon as she finished her sentence.

Sam nodded and pressed the elevator button. "We'll go up to the suite I share with Elsa. She's in the office right now, so we'll have privacy for a few hours."

Fiona tapped her foot, waiting impatiently for the elevator to arrive. "What we have to talk about won't take long."

Once inside the elevator, Sam scanned Fiona's frame. Her arms were crossed, her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and her eyes were a bit puffy. This was not the Fiona he knew and it worried him. He finally said to her "Fi, you're scaring me, tell me what's wrong."

"He went to see Tom Card. Card thinks he might have a lead on Nate's killer in Panama." Fiona said, looking straight ahead. "I think we might be going to Panama."

Sam shook his head. Both remained quiet as they rode the elevator to Sam's suite. Fiona glared straight ahead. Once the elevator stopped and they exited, he knew that Fiona was not noticing the peach paint on the walls and the white doors that dotted the hallway. Arriving at Sam's suite, he pulled out his key and opened the door for Fiona. She immediately sat down on the couch while Sam took two beers from the fridge and opened them. He sat down next to Fiona and watched her play with the hem of her shirt for a moment. Sam handed the cold beer to Fiona and signaled he was ready to listen by telling her "Ok, talk to me."

Fiona leaned back on the couch. She was trying hard to contain her emotions, which if you asked her, were a mixture of extreme anger and heartbreak. "Michael, for as long as we both have known him, has always been driven and obsessive about whatever he's chasing. First he was trying to get unburned, then he went after Anson and now he's hunting for Nate's killer. I have a very bad feeling about this one Sam. He's so tired. I don't think he's slept a solid eight hours since I've been home. He gets up in the middle of the night and either reads through files or he just stands on the balcony looking out into the night. He's not eating enough. I cook for him but he barely eats what I set in front of him."

Taking a sip of his beer, Sam tried to figure out where Fiona was going with this conversation. He didn't want to play a guessing game with her, so he asked Fiona "What do you want me to do Fi? I can't make him sleep or eat. He'll be ok and he'll slow down once he finds Nate's killer." He hoped she would be satisfied with his answer, but wasn't surprised when she released a sarcastic laugh.

"Sam, you know he won't slow down. There will always be another ghost for him to chase. There will always be another angle to cover. It's always been like that since we all joined him here in MIami. I am putting my foot down because he has to stop at some point and just let things end. We are all older now and frankly, I'm tired. You have to be tired too. Also, you have Elsa and you are making this lovely life for the two of you. You both really love one another and deserve a chance to make this work." Fiona stopped her rambling and began to peel off the label that was on the beer bottle.

She continued after taking another sip from the bottle. "I know Nate was part of our family, but I know chasing someone who may have killed him and is hiding in Panama will not end well. I know he's tired but he will never admit it. He thinks he has to see this through to the end but..." she stopped talking and took a sip from the brown bottle that she held in her shaking hand.

Sam sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. "I know he's tired too. We are all tired but we have to have his back. He needs us and you know that. If he asks us to go to Panama, we have to follow him. We need to keep him safe."

Fiona slowly shook her head. Tears filled her eyes and her voice cracked. "I can't Sam. This is exhausting. I haven't had a moment of rest since I went to prison. I was trying to stay alive until you guys found a way to get me out and as soon as I get out, we're dealing with Nate's death. He's moving so far ahead of me and I feel like I'm drowning in quicksand. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him."

Sam felt bad for the woman he had come to regard as his sister. She was rocking back and forth a little and kept wiping tears from her eyes. He moved closer to her and took the beer from her hand. Placing the bottle on the table, he wrapped his arms around her. "You aren't going to lose him. We'll talk to him and we will tell him that he needs to stop. We can call Jesse and tell him what's going with Mikey. He'll be on our side. We won't give Mikey up without a fight."

Hearing Sam's words and feeling the comfort he was trying to provide to her, she began to sob. Sam held her until she was able to calm down. Pushing away from Sam and getting a tissue from the coffee table in front of her, she said in a fierce tone, "If he does go to Panama, I'm leaving him. I will help him anything he needs if he stays here and leaves the CIA. If he doesn't, then I'm done. I love him more than anything but I can't go on this mission with him."

Sam took a moment to collect his thoughts. "I think just the idea of losing you again will be enough to get him to stop. If he keeps up this quest, then you come here and Elsa will take care of you. We'll get you a room here and you can stay as long as you need. If you want to stay in Miami, maybe we can scare up some clients of our own and do some good work again."

Fiona stood up. "Thanks Sam. I know we've had our differences, but I really don't know what I'd do without you sometimes."

Sam smiled. "Let's hope we never find out. You call Jesse and tell him we are having a meeting with Mikey. I know he'll be on board with trying to Mikey to back down. I'll drive us back to the loft. Just remember, the important thing is the three of us agree."

As Sam drove back to the loft, Fiona dialed Jesse's phone number. She hoped he would answer and be agreeable to meet in middle of the day. She smiled a little when he answered quickly. "Hey Fi! What's up?"

"Jesse, do you think you could get away for an hour or so. Sam and I need to talk to you." Fiona said, looking out the window as the Miami scenery passed by her.

"Sure. I'm on the road seeing clients but I have time before the next one. I'm right near the loft, can we meet there?" Jesse asked.

Fiona answered "Yes. Michael's at a meeting, so he won't be there. If you hear from him before you see us, don't tell him you are meeting with Sam and I."

"Yeah Fi. Not a problem. I won't say anything if I talk to him. Everything ok?" Jesse asked, feeling that something was wrong. It wasn't normal to have a meeting with Fiona without Mike being there.

"No Jesse, everything is wrong. We are almost to the loft. I'll explain when we get there." Fiona said as she hung up the phone abruptly. Fiona continued to stare out the window as Sam drove her back to the loft. Her thoughts were primarily of Michael and how he'd react to his friends not agreeing to help him.

Jesse was waiting at the loft when Sam and Fiona arrived. He was dressed in a gray suit with a pink shirt. Not being one to mince words, he said "Fi said there was an emergency meeting. What's so urgent? I have two hours before I have to be back at work to meet a client."

Fiona gave Jesse the short version of what she told Sam. "I heard a little bit of Michael's conversation with Card when he called this morning. I think he is going to tell us that we are going to Panama to help him catch Nate's killer. I can't do it Jesse. I'm so tired of all the endless action. Sam and you have to be tired too. I just want to go back to the life we had when he was burned. It was a good life we had helping others. I have such a bad feeling about this..." Fiona said, stopping mid-sentence trying not to cry.

Giving Fiona a hug, Jesse said "No crying. I am tired, you are right. It does sound good going back to helping out the average guy and not running with the CIA."

"Guys, maybe we should move inside the loft so Michael doesn't see all of us just standing around chit-chatting. That might tip him off that something else is wrong. Let's go inside and act more casual so when he gets inside he's not already on high-alert." Sam suggested, motioning to the stairs.

Fiona agreed. "Sam's right. He's been so on edge lately that I don't want him to see anything before we talk to him that might clue him in on what we are throwing at him."

Once inside the loft, Fiona went to the fridge and handed bottles of water to everyone. Jesse, drinking his quickly, stood in the middle of the room and said "I'm just going to throw this out there, and I don't know how you two feel, so it might just be me. I don't trust Card. He smiles, he talks nice and he helped Mike get Fiona out of prison, but I think he's a snake and he's going to rear his head and end up biting us. Just a feeling."

Sam shook his head in agreement. "Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. Mikey puts too much trust in Card. Yes, Card was his handler back in the day, but where was he when Mikey was burned? Right away that was a mark against Card in my book. When we had to work with him on that case with Montero, we didn't exactly see eye to eye. Remember how annoyed he was that I had a beer after dragging the body into the house? The only good thing about working with Card was that it helped Mikey get to see you in jail."

Jesse settled down and sat on a stool. "All I know is I can't go to Panama. My job is going really good right now and I can't keep risking it to run off to help Michael with his causes. If we help common people, I can at least sneak out of the office for a bit to help out. I agree with you guys about him being tired and I think we have to tell him we aren't going with him on this one. Its going to get ugly but we got your back on this Fi."

Fiona smiled. It made her feel good that the two men, her adopted brothers, were willing to fight with her. Her smile quickly faded as she heard Michael climb the stairs to the loft. Before he opened the door she muttered to the group "Here we go." She was hoping for the best but expecting the worst.


	2. Chapter 2

The meeting Michael had with Tom Card went as planned. Tom laid out the mission and gave Michael all the documents he would need to get the team into Panama. Feeling confident that the mission would be a success, Michael left Card's office and headed back home. As he drove along the highway to the loft, he went over the details of the mission in his head.

Climbing the loft stairs, he felt a sense of relief that he was getting closer to Nate's killer. As he entered the loft, he threw his keys on the workbench but stopped when he realized Sam Jesse and Fiona were staring at him. Michael felt relieved that they were all there but at the same time he could feel the tension that permeated throughout the room.

Michael spoke cautiously, not sure what the others were going to say in response. "I just met with Tom Card. He said he has a lead on Nate's killer. We can go after him, but we can't go with the objective of capturing a killer. This guy is an arms dealer, so the CIA thinks we are going there to capture him. We have an hour before we have to leave for Panama, so I suggest we all get packing and meet at the airport." Seeing that no one was moving and all eyes were on him, Michael asked. "I know its happening quickly, but we have to jump on this opportunity or we'll never catch Nate's killer because he'll go into hiding in Panama. I can't take that chance, so let's get going."

Fiona looked at Sam and Jesse who both gave her slight nods of support. She inhaled deeply as she tried to keep her composure. "Michael, I have to talk to you. Sam and Jesse are here for support. I knew you were going to tell us that we we were going to Panama because I overheard you talking to Card. I've thought about a lot of things since you left to meet with him and I've come to a decision."

Staring at Fiona, Michael tried his best to hide his feelings of fear and anger at the possible decision Fiona could have made since he saw her two hours ago. He asked softly, "What did you decide Fi?"

She stood quietly for a moment, almost doubting her decision. After what felt like an eternity to everyone in the room, she said "I want you to understand that this decision was so hard for me to make and it breaks my heart."

This time Michael asked louder "What did you decide Fi?"

Folding her arms across her chest she said "I decided I can't go to Panama. It's time we stop this endless chasing of ghosts and boogeymen Michael."

Michael jaw twitched. He couldn't believe what Fiona was telling him. "Fiona, we have to go to Panama. These ghosts we are chasing are real and we owe it to Nate to find his killer."

"Believe me, when I tell you understand that you want to find Nate's killer but if we go to Panama and find him we will find ten other situations that we'll get involved in and it will never end. Each time we near the end of one journey, another one starts . Ever since I got out of prison we have been running non-stop. I can't keep living that way. I am exhausted. I know you are just as tired as I am, if not more tired. You lay down with me until I fall asleep, but during the night I know you are up looking at files or thinking about your next move. We need to stop this endless action and stress or its going to kill us." Fiona shouted.

"You two need some privacy so Jess and I are going to wait outside." Sam announced as he and Jesse walked past the arguing couple and exited the loft.

Michael was quiet for a moment. He began to pace while running his hands through his hair. "I get plenty of rest and I am not tired, so don't even try using that as an argument against me. I have to find Nate's killer. Its the least I can do for my brother. You owe it to Nate too. He helped get you out of jail. I couldn't have gotten you out if he didn't help." Michael's voice hitched "If he didn't help, that MI6 agent would have extradited you back to England and you would be dead by now."

"I will always be grateful to Nate for helping free me, but I can't go. I know that if we go, this will end terribly." Fiona replied, wiping tears from her eyes.

"You can't tell me that If you found Claire's killer, you wouldn't go after them. You know that I would be right next to you. You have to be with me on this Fi. I need you. Being separated by prison nearly killed me. I can't survive another separation."

Fiona walked up to Michael and took his hands in hers. She looked him in the face and said "If you don't want to be away from me then don't go to Panama! You have no idea how much of a bad feeling I have in my heart and bones about this. Everything about this mission feels wrong and I'm afraid if we go to Panama, we won't come back. If we do, it will be in a pine box and your mother will have to bury all of us."

In a soft voice filled with sorrow, Fiona added "I can't stop you from going to Panama. If you go to Panama, I want you to know that I won't be here when you get back. It'll be over permanently between us and I will break all contact with you. It will break my heart, but I can't keep this up any longer. If you don't go, I want you to leave the CIA. I can't stand the long separations for your work and worrying about if you are safe. You leave the CIA, I will be by your side no matter what."

Not believing what he was hearing, Michael sat in his favorite green chair. "I can't leave the CIA after we fought so hard to get me unburned. Everything we fought against all these years would have been a waste. You going to jail would have been for nothing and Nate's death..." Michael stopped his sentence when he heard his own voice break. Rubbing his face, he said, " If I leave the CIA, what will we do? How will I make money to support you?"

Fiona was tired of fighting. She threw her arms up in the air in defeat. "The money doesn't matter. It never mattered to me. You are the only thing that matters to me. If you leave the CIA, we can take on jobs like we did when you were burned. It was a good life we had then. Looking back, everything seemed so simple then. I just want to go back to that."

Michael was silent. He didn't know what to say or do. Fiona grabbed her keys, phone and purse. "I'm going Michael. Do what you need to do, but know that I can't be by your side if you go to Panama or stay with the CIA. I love you but you are on a path to self destruction and I can't bear to see you do that to yourself...or to me. I'll be back later."

Michael called out to Fiona to stop, hoping she would turn around, but she didn't stop. He ran down the stairs and found Sam and Jesse blocking him from going after Fiona. "Move!" was all Michael shouted at the two men. When neither moved, he tried to push past them, but failed to get further than the bottom of the stairs. "Fiona is leaving! I have to go after her and make her understand why we have to go to Panama."

"We aren't moving Mikey. Truth be known, none of us are going to Panama if you decide to leave. If you go, you are on your own. I'm sorry Brother but Fiona has a bad feeling about this and I think she's right." Sam tried his best to not budge. Part of him wanted to help Michael find Fiona and convince her to help him in Panama but another part of him knew Fiona was right and sooner or later they would end up dead. Now that he had Elsa, the last thing Sam wanted to do was die. Sam explained "My life is finally in a really good place. I am in love with Elsa and I want to work at making a life with her. I'm not going to jeopardize that with a mission Tom Card sanctioned because I don't think he has your best interest at heart."

Sam knew that Michael heard Fiona talking but he wasn't sure he completely understood. He knew he had to make Michael understand what was happening. "Mikey, I know it sucks that she is making you choose between the job and her, but its her last resort. She's tired. We are all tired of the CIA crap. You do what you want, but if you lose her, she's going to be gone for good this time. I agree with her. I told her that if you go to Panama, Elsa and I will help her out until she can stand on her own two feet. If you chose the job over the girl, then you are an idiot and you deserve to lose her. You have no idea how much she loves you."

Glaring at Sam, Michael said "What the hell is wrong with you? You knew that she was going to make me choose and you agree with her?" Michael was shaking from being so angry. He couldn't believe that Fiona and now Sam were not behind him on this mission. "I'm guessing you are with the others on this too Jesse."

Jesse nodded. "I do. Mike, I can't tell you how many times I've gotten in trouble at work for helping you out since you got back into the CIA. I like my job. It pays good and it's not all that bad in the business world. I can't lose this job because I have nothing else to depend on."

Moving closer to Michael, Jesse put his hands on Mike's shoulders. Sam was ready to pull them apart, thinking Michael would be throwing punches as soon a Jesse laid hands on him. Instead, Michael let Jesse talk. "Mike, you can't save everyone and you can't fix everything that is bad in the world. It sucks that Nate is dead but no amount of hunting and destruction will bring him back. You have an incredible woman who went to jail for you and is begging you to not pursue your brother's killer because she is terrified of losing you. You can't control everything. No one can. What you can control is your relationships. We won't stop being your friends if you choose the CIA, but we can't help you with Fiona. We can't control that."

Michael sat down on the steps and put his head in his hands. "If I don't go to Panama, what the hell do I tell my mother? I want to fix this with her and I don't see any other way to make it better. I was supposed to take care of my little brother and I didn't."

Sam's heart broke. He forgot that sometimes Michael was a little boy on the inside wanting his mother's love and approval. Right now, Maddie wasn't even talking to Michael and Sam knew that was killing Michael on the inside. He sat next to Michael said "You know you did all you could to protect him, don't you? Sometimes people die. You tell your mother that you are tired. Tell her we are all tired. Tell her that if we go to Panama, we might not come back. I don't think she wants to bury two sons. Tell her that most importantly, if you chase Nate's killer, you will lose Fiona in the process."

"If she doesn't accept your reasoning, there is nothing more you can do Mike. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and walk away." Jesse added. "I have to get back to work. I hope I helped. If you go to Panama, be safe and call when you get home." As Jesse walked out of the gate, he mumbled "I hope to God you don't go though."

Sam sat next to Michael for a few minutes. "I have to get back to the hotel. Elsa wanted me to help her with moving some stuff in her office." As Sam opened his car door, he said to Michael "Brother, I hope you chose Fiona. She's good for you and she loves you unconditionally. No matter how bad you have treated her in the past, she always came back. Just don't do something to make her leave again. Remember if she leaves, she won't be coming back and she's serious."

Michael watched Sam pull away from the loft. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. "We have to talk. I'll see you in an hour." was all he said before he hung up the phone. Michael knew it was time to make a decision. He hoped though he was making the right one.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N...I must give credit to BurnerNoelle / Burner4Life (same person) as she wrote the letter from Michael to Fiona! I could not have written a better letter myself! Thanks to WritePassion, Amanda, Kris & Ali all for reading parts here & there. Much love to all my gals on Twitter & readers here. I love you all! Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

Fiona arrived back at the loft several hours later. She didn't see Michael's car parked there, but she still hoped he was inside. Entering the loft, she looked around and didn't see Michael waiting for her as she had hoped. Fiona dialed Sam's phone number. "Sam, he's gone." was all she said when he answered.

Sam sighed. "I'm sorry. After you left, Jesse and I talked to him a little. I thought we had gotten through to him. Come to the hotel like we talked about before. I'll have Elsa get you a nice room and anything else you need. She's working tonight, so I could come and keep you company."

"Thanks Sam. I'll be there soon." Fiona said, ending the call.

Before she left, she sat down on the bed, the same bed she had shared with the man who she thought loved her more than anything in the world. She let out a loud scream as she laid back. It was a scream mixed with heartbreak and frustration. As her head hit the pillow, she noticed a letter that laid next to her. "At least this time you had the decency to leave me a letter telling me goodbye." she thought to herself.

Feeling tears come to her eyes, she quickly stood up and grabbed the letter, her purse and phone. She ran down the stairs and into the street. Walking, for what felt like hours, Fiona came across an Irish pub and decided she needed a good strong drink before she read Michael's letter. After two strong drinks, she decided to open the letter. Her fingers trembled as she read what she assumed was Michael's good-bye to her.

_My Dearest Fi,_

_I have so much to tell you but I don't know why I can't actually say them to your beautiful face. Instead of telling you not to leave me here, in this loft, I let you walk out the door. I'm a fool and I'm sorry I've pushed you to giving me an ultimatum. _

_I guess I'll start at the beginning. You know my childhood was less than happy. Love and affection was never shown much in my house. Mom tried her best to show me love but it always felt conditional. I thought that was how love worked. I do something good and I am shown love. You changed all that. You showed me that love was to be freely given and only depended on that I was honest and true in return. No matter how bad our fights were, I knew you still loved me._

_I never expected to fall in love with you. I fell in love with you shortly after I met you and I don't regret that. You were an asset and I knew better than to fall in love with one, but I did it anyway. There was something about you that seemed different from all the other women I had been with. Our relationship was far from easy, but I knew I wanted you and needed you in my life. You brought out a side of me I never knew was there, a soft side, a side that was more gentle and loving. I had all these walls built up around me and you managed to tear them down. I know I said we were profoundly unhappy but by the same token, you always made me the happiest man in the world. _

_Do you know my biggest regret? My biggest regret is being forced to leave you in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. I had to leave in order to keep you safe and protected as my cover was blown. You were in danger because of me and if I stayed, you would have been killed. I NEVER wanted to leave you. I wanted to take you but I couldn't. I tried but it wasn't possible. To this day I am truly sorry for never saying goodbye and breaking your heart. Truth be known, my heart was broken too. I never knew what a broken heart felt like until the night I left you in Ireland. _

_I never expected you to be waking me up after I was dumped in Miami. I know you wondered why I kept your number in my wallet. There were two reasons: one was I did not want my mother to know where I was and the second was that I always hoped that we would meet again. When you decided to stay and help, I was happy to have you back in my life. I know you wanted me and Lord knows I wanted you. I wanted to feel your touch, hear your voice and feel your lips kissing mine. However, since I was recently burned, I know I had to focus on my priorities. It was so hard to focus sometimes but I had to get to the bottom of why I was burned. I wish I could have put you before the job, but I was so blinded and narrow minded. All I could think of was getting unburned. I apologize for not putting you first more often. _

_You pursued me and I fended off your advances. I pushed you away for fear of not being able to give you the love I thought you deserved and wanted from me. We may have been unhappy together, but you were always the one for me. Part of the reason I pushed you away was that leaving you in the middle of the night in Ireland devastated me. I was always afraid that if I loved you, you could be taken from me at any moment and I knew I couldn't live through that again._

_I know I pushed you into dating Campbell. All I wanted was to see you happy and I thought he made you happy. I don't know if you'll ever realize how much it hurt to see you hanging on him or even touch him. I never wanted you to date anyone else. I always thought you were mine and I was yours. I was relieved when Campbell broke up with you because then I could pursue you and win you back. I never wanted to lose you to Campbell._

_I hate that feeling when I think I've lost you. It splits my heart in two and makes me sick to my stomach. Like the time I thought you were burned in a fire at Gary Poole's house, I was so distraught. All I could feel was blinding pain. Everything hurt and nothing seemed real. I was so relieved that you were waiting for me back at the loft. At first I thought you were a visage, a ghost or something totally unreal. Once I touched you and felt you, I knew you were real and alive. I made love to you that night to show you I was still very much in love with you._

_I feel my heart breaking as I write this letter because I find my thoughts wandering to when I almost lost you to Ireland and Strickler. Finding you in the water, bleeding from your gunshot wound, sent waves of terror through my body. When you were in prison, that was the hardest to get through. I was dead inside. The loft didn't feel much like home and I couldn't sleep, eat, or think straight. I remember sitting in the Charger with your letter in one hand and my gun in the other. I hope you know that I need you with me regardless how bad things are between us because without you, I'm lost. The more I think about it, the more I know I can't lose you again. I want you to know that you are my love, my life, my strength, basically you are everything to me. I never could have made it through the aftermath of Nate's death and his funeral without you by my side. You were so strong for me, when I couldn't be strong myself. _

_At first, I wanted to be mad at you for making me choose between my work and finding Nate's killer or choosing a life with you. You can't make demands like that on me. Its not fair. Then I realized all of the things you have gone through with me just so we could get to this point in our lives and I realize that I can't be mad at you. You have given up so much to be with me like your country and family. I want to thank you for standing by me all these years, even when things were rocky between us. You never gave up on me. You should have. You've always been there for me, even when I couldn't be there for you like you needed. Thank you for saving my life more times than I can count. Thank you for being my best friend. You could always do better, but you'd rather be with me. You will always be the most important person in my life. I love you Fiona Glenanne with all my heart and soul and no matter where we are and no matter what the future holds, there is nobody I would rather be with than with you. _

_Love Always,  
Michael_

Fiona placed the letter down on the bar. She carefully folded it and placed it back in its envelope. Leaning on the bar, placing her head in her hands, she softly wept. Feeling someone tap her on the shoulder, she sat straight up thinking the person behind her was checking on her. She said "I'm ok."

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The person behind her proceeded to tap her shoulder again. Not wanting them to see her tears, she said more forcefully, "I said I was fine, so leave me alone."

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Feeling rather annoyed at this person behind her, he began to gather her belongings and count out cash to leave for her drinks. She did not turn around because she didn't want to end up punching the person who was bothering her. She froze when she heard a familiar American voice ask "Would you like to dance?"

Fiona gasped and turned around. "Michael...I thought..Panama...your job!" Realizing Michael stood right in front of her, she threw her hand to her mouth and tried to prevent the sob that was threatening to escape from her body.

"You left me and I was alone. I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you." Michael said, with tears threatening to fall from his eyes he took her face into his hands and gave her a kiss. Breaking from the kiss he rested his forehead against hers and said "We can talk later. Right now all I want do is dance with you. I want to do is start over. Am I too late? Can we have a new beginning?"

With tears in falling down her cheeks, Fiona whispered "I would like nothing better." Fiona hopped off the bar stool and grasped his hand tightly in hers. Michael led her over to the jukebox where he picked a slow song. As the song played, they danced cheek to cheek. He held her tight, keeping his eyes closed, while swaying to the music. Michael occasionally kissed Fiona above the ear, telling her over and over that he was sorry, he loved her and would never leave her again..

Towards the end of the song, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers. He never wanted the moment to end. The song finished and Fiona said "Take me home." Fiona took Michael's hand as she went to grab her belongings and walk out into the night with the man who gave up everything for her.


	4. Chapter 4

Michael and Fiona arrived back at the loft. Fiona moved to get out of the Charge, but Michael put his hand on top of hers and said "Wait. I will come around and get you."

Fiona did as Michael asked. She nervously tapped her foot, waiting for him to round the car to her side. Finally he opened her car door and pulled her to her feet. Shutting the car door, he picked Fiona up in his arms and began to carry her up the stairs. "Michael, I am fully capable of walking up the stairs myself."

"I know, but I want to carry you. I should do this more often." Michael said softly, his response causing Fiona to wrap her arms tightly around Michael.

Arriving upstairs, Michael put Fiona down, but made sure he continued to hold her hand. Once inside, she put her belongings on the workbench. As she was heading off towards the kitchen, Michael grabbed her arm and spun her around. He pulled her close and gave her a long slow deep kiss. His lips left hers, causing her to whimper. He rested his forehead against hers and began to slowly let his fingers caress her face. Fiona looked into Michael's eyes and saw such an intensity that caused her heart to melt.

He moved his hand from her face to her chest. Her dress was low cut. Never removing the garment, he ghosted his fingers along her skin that was exposed, causing Fiona to shiver with excitement. The simplest touch from Michael was driving her insane. She so badly wanted to have wild untamed sex, but she knew Michael needed the slowness of the evening they were having.

"You have no idea how much I missed you when you were in prison. I was so alone." Michael said in a low deep voice. He pulled Fiona onto the bed with him and laid her down.

"Sam, Jesse and your Mom weren't with you? I thought they..." Fiona said in a loud voice that was filled with anger.

He pulled her into a short kiss to quiet her. He then explained "They were there for me especially the first few days.. Sam was with me from early morning until late at night. When he couldn't be with me, Jesse was. Mom even had Nate come down to be with me. I could have been a room with everyone I knew but I still felt alone because you weren't by my side. You have no idea how much I missed and needed you. I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know how much I need you by my side."

Fiona felt a wave a guilt wash over her. One thing Sam and her never considered when she turned herself over to the authorities was how this would affect Michael himself. They were both too focused on getting Michael away from Anson. She ran her fingers through his hair and gave him a kiss on his forehead. "You will never be alone again. I promise I will never leave you."

Michael brought his rapid breathing under control. He dragged his fingers up and down Fiona's arms, smiling when she let out a soft moan. "I missed your soft moans." Michael said as he took Fiona's hand and kissed her palm. He stopped when he caught sight of the scar she got while in prison. "I hope you were a good patient in prison when they sewed you up. You were always bad at being injured." He frowned as he touched her scar. "You were a terrible at laying around after you were shot by O'Neil. I thought I lost you."

FIona smiled and rolled over on her side. "You didn't though. We've only separated momentarily, sometimes with years between visits, but I've always come back to you. You are mine and I am yours. You know, even when you left Ireland, I was still yours. Card told me you didn't leave me willingly. He told me he had to pull you out and flew to Ireland to make sure you left. You protected me, just as you always have done since the day we met. So we have never lost one another. I have always been in your heart."

Michael closed his eyes, trying to hide all the emotions he felt swirling inside of him. Fiona, leaning over, kissed both of his closed eyes and whispered "We are forever."

Michael helped Fiona out of her dress, while she undressed Michael. Fiona found herself being devoured slowly by Michael. His kisses were interspersed with conversation about everything that happened to the other while Fiona was in prison. His hands traveled up and down her entire body, as if they had never touched her before. He planted kisses everywhere he could, spending extra time on the areas that caused her to gasp, moan and writhe.

Fiona wanted to be closer to Michael than they already were. She pushed him onto his back and straddled him. As she kissed him passionately, their tongues exploring one another's mouth, he sat up, keeping her on top of him. They clung tight to one another as they hurtled towards oblivion. As Michael felt Fiona's muscles tighten and her nails dig into his back, he wrapped his arms tightly around her. With one final movement, both of them found the release they were looking for that evening. All of the pain and hurt melted away, leaving only love in its wake.

Without saying a word, Michael kept his grasp on Fiona as their breathing returned to normal. Pulling back, Fiona smiled, kissed Michael and pulled him down to the bed with her. "Fi..." Michael started to say but she quieted him with a kiss to the forehead. "You need to rest Michael. We have the rest of our lives to talk"

MIchael closed his eyes and rested his head on Fiona's chest. He wrapped his legs and arms wrapped around her and fell asleep, happy that he knew what he finally wanted and needed...Fiona

Fiona woke up about noon. Looking at her phone, she flew out of bed seeing that she had ten missed calls. Dialing the number, she ran out to the balcony and closed the doors behind her.

"Fiona Glenanne, where the hell are you?" Sam shouted into the phone. "You called me, told me that Mikey left and I thought you were going to come to the hotel. I came to the loft several times and you weren't there. Finally at midnight, Elsa made me come back to the hotel to rest. What gives?"

"If you are done yelling at me, I'm sorry I didn't call. I didn't have a chance to because Michael stayed. I don't know where he was, but all that matters is that he's here...with me." Fiona jumped when Michael opened the doors and walked onto the balcony. She quickly said goodbye to Sam and ended their call.

Michael wrapped his arms around Fiona and gave her a kiss. While kissing her neck he asked "Who was that?"

"Sam." Fiona began to moan and Michael nipped at her neck. "He was worried about me because I was going to stay at the hotel and figure out my next move while you were in Panama. I never showed up and he called to see what happened."

"I'm sorry I drove you to make those decisions. I should have slowed down and looked at everything around me before I acted." Michael tilted his head and smiled as Fiona rested her head against his chest. "Do you know where I went after you left?"

Fiona shook her head. "I wanted to ask you about it in the bar but you weren't in a talking mood."

Michael sighed and looked down at Fiona. "I went to go see Card and tell him that I couldn't go to Panama because I was going to lose you. I told him that I couldn't lose you."

"_Westen, you are late. Where's your team?" Card asked as he placed files into a cabinet. _

_Michael sat down in the chair across from Card's desk. "I can't go. I am turning down this mission. Find someone else because I can't do this anymore." _

_Card closed the filing cabinet and pulled his chair out. Plopping down, he leaned back and said "Oh this should be good. Why, in God's good name, are you turning down a mission that could enable you to move up in the CIA ranks?" _

"_How long have you been married to Carolyn?" Michael asked. He knew it had been for at least twenty years or more as Card was already married when they met. _

"_I'll bite. It'll be twenty seven years in November." Card looked at Michael's face, seeing anguish and worry in his features he knew what helped Michael make his decision to decline the mission to Panama. "Glenanne told you not to go to Panama. Did you threaten to leave you?" _

"_She did. After everything I've gone through, she's the one person who I can't afford to lose. I'm lost without her. How did you know she threatened to leave?" Michael asked. _

_Card laughed. "CIA stuff is a piece of cake. Wives, on the other hand, are a mystery to me. All I know is if my wife tells me to do something, I better do it if I want my home life to be happy. I do have to warn you that if you decline this mission, then I will have to write you up for insubordination. It'll go in your file and it will damage your career. You might never get a mission like this again." _

_Michael nodded. "I understand. I want you to understand that I will not lose Fiona again. Thanks to you, I lost her once in Ireland and that was the worst pain I have ever endured. I'm not going through that again." _

"_Just so you know, I felt terrible about pulling you out of Ireland. I couldn't let you get killed. I knew you were hurt badly by leaving her in Ireland and the way you begged me to help get her out stuck with me all those years. I tried to make you two cross paths again but it didn't actually work until you were burned. Do you know who called Glenanne when you first got burned? It was me. I heard you were overseas and burned, I put it through the pipeline to get you placed in Miami near Mama Bear and I called Fiona, telling her you were in Miami. So you can thank me later for getting you back with Fiona. No thanks to you because I now have to get a team together to head to Panama." _

_Michael sat and thought for a moment. "I do deserve some form of a 'thank you' from the government. I've worked for them for most of my adult life and I haven't gotten one word of thanks or even an acknowledgement that my work was appreciated." Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, he looked right into Card's eyes and said sternly "I've been a work mule for long enough. I'm out Tom. I quit, resign, retire...put it however you want. I'm tired and I'm done. I just want to go home to Fiona and..." Not being able to finish his sentence, he bit his lip instead. _

_After a few minutes of silence, Card said slowly "I want you out too, son. I'll put through papers to initiate your retirement. Go home to Fiona. Make a normal life for yourself and never let her go. That woman would die for you, in fact she almost did a few times. Take my advice and go back home and treat her like the queen she is. I'll be in touch in a few days so we can meet to sign papers." _

_Michael stood up and shook Card's hand. Card came around the desk and gave Michael a slap on the back. "I'm glad you are getting out. When I call you 'son', I mean it. I always thought of you as a son and you were the best agent I ever worked with. You made me proud. Go home." _

_Michael smiled and walked out the door. _

"Card took it amazingly well" Fiona said after hearing Michael recount his last visit with Card. "So you are done with all the CIA and ghost chasing?"

Michael nodded. "I am. I guess we can find people to help or maybe we could open a detective agency or something with Sam."

Fiona gave Michael a kiss on the cheek. "You don't need to worry about that now. You need to rest. I don't think you've had time to fully process everything that has happened." Noticing a sadness that came over Michael's face, Fiona asked "What's wrong?"

"I have to tell my mom I'm giving up the hunt for Nate's killer and leaving it to the CIA." Michael answered. "I'm going to shower and go over to see her."

"Do you want me to go with you? I can wait outside if you want." Fiona said, rubbing MIchael's arms and hoping he was finding comfort from her affection.

Shaking his head, Michael said as he walked off "I'm better off going alone but I'd like if you were here when I got home."

Joining Michael in the bathroom, she wrapped her arms around him and planted small kisses on his back as he shaved, she said, "I will be home waiting for you with open arms. Remember, I will always be here for you."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N~Thanks so much to Amanda & Noelle for helping me find the right tone for this chapter. It was really hard to write & I hope you enjoy it! Much love to my readers! 3333

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Michael walked into the kitchen of Maddie's house. He found her in the same place that she had been when he told her that Nate had died. She looked at him and then looked back at the sink. "What are you doing here?" she mumbled.

Michael stood there, watching her movements and for a moment he almost turned around and left without saying a word. He stayed, knowing that sooner or later he'd have to talk to her so it might as well have been now. "I need to talk to you. We haven't talked since the funeral and there are some things we need to discuss"

"So talk. I can't stop you. I've never been able to stop you from doing anything." Maddie said, still avoiding Michael's face.

"I've called and left messages but you haven't called me back." Michael said slowly, looking at his mother. He saw her hair wasn't done, she wore no makeup and the house smelled like she had been smoking more than usual.

Maddie looked out the kitchen window. "I haven't called anyone back but when I do, you will be the last person on my list." She inhaled and turned towards Michael. "Why are you really here?"

Michael leaned against the counter and folded his arms. Her comment about him being the last person she would call was still ringing in his ears. He chastised himself for letting her words affect him. Refocusing his attention towards Madeline he offered a simple apology, hoping it would make a difference. "I wanted to tell you, that I am sorry that Nate died. I never thought or meant for it to happen..."

"That's the problem. You didn't think about the consequences of bringing him with you and now Nate is dead. The death of your little brother, who you were supposed to protect, is your fault. His blood is on your hands." Maddie said to Michael in a low even tone, causing him to shudder.

Inhaling and blinking back tears from his eyes, he said "Don't you think I know that? I think about it everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him and what happened. I should have protected him better, you are right."

Maddie moved so she was now in front of Michael. Looking him in the eyes she said "You didn't though and now he's dead. You knew he was weaker and not as smart as you. Why didn't you keep him safe?"

Sniffling, Michael took a deep breath and said slowly "I don't know how many times I need to apologize. You have no idea how sorry I am." Michael paused and looked at Madeline who gave him an icy glare. She looked as if she was going to say something, so Michael started speaking again. "Let me say what I need to say without you jumping all over me. I am sorry I drove Fiona to turn herself over to the authorities, I am sorry I brought Nate on the mission and I am sorry I kicked him off the mission. You know what though, I am not the only one to blame here. How many times do you need to hear that I told Nate to NOT approach Anson? If he had listened and kept eyes on him, like I told him, then he wouldn't have been outside when the sniper fired."

Madeline smacked Michael across the face, causing him to frown. "How dare you blame this on Nate. He wanted to help you, to make you proud. You never should have taken him."

Michael felt anger at being slapped by his mother. He clenched his jaw and said in a dark tone "You're right, I never should have taken him but you never should have brought him to the loft when you knew I was falling apart over losing Fiona. You share just as much blame as I do, if not more, for Nate's death." Pausing for a moment, Michael took a deep breath and said "We were both the catalyst for Nate's death so you need to stop blaming me alone for not protecting him. You didn't protect him either."

Maddie shook her head in disbelief. "I did what I thought was best for my boys. I had Nate help you because this was a family battle. Anson killed your father and Nate should have been helping you. He's family and family helps family. That idea would have been thrown out the window if I had known that Nate was going to end up dead. I would have been a better mother and protected him better. I would have sent him far away from Miami and you."

"Its great that now you decide to protect Nate. Who was going to protect me?" Michael shouted as he hit his chest with his palms.

"You never needed me to protect you Michael. Sam and Jesse kept you safe. What could I have done?" Madeline yelled in return.

Michael looked at Maddie, eye to eye, and said "You know that's not what I'm talking about Mom. You never protected me from Dad. When I started to stand up to him so you and Nate would be safe, you should have stopped Dad from making me his punching bag. Instead you let me take beating after beating from him. Do not tell me that Nate got his fair share, because he didn't. Dad only turned to him after I left for the Army when I was seventeen. It wasn't fair. You should have left him Mom."

Shaken by Michael's outbursts mixed with dark tones, Maddie lit a cigarette. Trembling, she took a puff and set the cigarette down in the ashtray. "You would know how easy it is to leave family."

Michael balled his fists and raised his voice even more. "I left. That's true. Who signed the papers to get me out of the house? YOU. If you had left Dad when we were younger, we would have struggled but we would have been ok. Instead YOU stayed and when I became a threat to Dad, YOU helped me get into the military so I didn't kill him. If hadn't been in the military, I wouldn't have caught Anson's eye and I never would have gotten burned."

Maddie cut into Michael's speech. "Do not blame all this on me. I did what I thought was best for the family. Yes, maybe I should have left but I couldn't. I never worked. How would I have supported you boys?"

"You could have gotten any job you wanted and we would have been fine. Instead you stayed with him and we all suffered for it. I suffered the most. I took those beatings and never once complained. I stole groceries when we had no money to buy them and a car when Nate need a doctor." Michael was shouting so loud that his throat began to hurt. Realizing the tone he was taking reminded him of his own father and that his words were hurting his mother, he stopped. "I don't want to have this fight. I came here to tell you something."

"All I have heard since you got here are hurtful words. Finish what you have to say and then get out of my house."

Michael pulled his car keys from his pocket and focused on them in his hand as he talked. "Tom Card found Nate's killer in Panama. I was offered to lead the mission to get him." He stopped as he tried hard to keep his composure.

Madeline looked at Michael, who still kept his head down and saw what trouble he was having telling her about the situation he was facing. She softly asked "When do you leave?"

Finally looking up, Madeline saw Michael's mouth frowning and tears in his eyes that he tried his best to keep from falling. He spoke quickly, blurting "I'm not going. I told Card I decided that I can't go on this mission and he'd have to find someone else." Wiping the tears from his eyes, he looked at Maddie. He words fell from his mouth, his voice shaking. "I'm sorry Mom. I can't do this, I'm going to leave. Fiona is waiting for me and I have to go."

"Michael, now you wait a minute. You can't just tell me that and leave. Why the hell aren't you going after the man who killed your brother? Is it because you have Fiona back and you are done fighting?" Maddie said nastily.

Michael nodded. "Its because of Fiona. She was going to leave me if I went to Panama. She's the one person who loves me no matter what I've done in my life. As soon as I see her, I know that I'm loved because with her there are no strings attached. She could be mad as hell at me for something, but I know she still loves me. I never felt anything like that before her, or after I left her in Ireland. Its complicated but she has always loved me and I can't lose her. I'm sorry mom. I've lost so much in my life. She's the one thing that I cling to and I will do anything she wants to keep her with me."

Now Maddie was fighting to keep tears from falling from her eyes. "You never felt love before you met Fiona? I loved you. You are my son and I have loved you since the day you were born."

He hated where this conversation was going but it was time for him to tell her how he really felt. As painful as it would be, he explained himself slowly. "You never showed it. I took beating after beating, stole, and I even sent home my pay to you when I was overseas hoping I could feel some sort of love or appreciation. You never thanked me or even told me that you loved me."

"I've heard enough. You get out and you go back home to the hell-hole and to the woman who broke my family apart. Now that I think about it, she's the reason why this all happened. So go back home and crawl into bed with her. You two deserve one another. So do Sam and Jesse. You can all be a merry band of misfits together. Just leave me alone."

Feeling nothing but anger towards Maddie for accusing Fiona of causing his family's downward spiral, he slammed his hand on the counter and prepared himself to defend Fiona's honor. "Stop it! You leave Fiona out of this. The only thing she is guilty of is loving me so much that she was willing to spend the rest of her life in jail just so I could be free from Anson. If I didn't get her out, she would have been in jail for life or shipped off to England and sentenced to death. You could learn from Fiona how to love someone unconditionally. Do not blame Fiona when Nate's death is clearly my fault and yours, nobody else's." Michael got closer to Maddie and said "At least Fiona knew when to leave."

"How dare you Michael!" Maddie shouted raising her hand to Michael.

This time he grabbed her wrist and pushed her arm away. "You started this and I am going to finish this."

When Maddie didn't interrupt him, Michael's voice became deeper and more forceful. "Do not drag Sam and Jesse into this either. They are my brothers and all they have done is support me. Every lead we had on Anson, they helped me follow without hesitation. They have followed me into the depths of hell and back. Sam and Jesse stood by me when I was totally insane from Fiona being in jail. I nearly shot Sam in the head because I was so blinded by rage. He was the one who calmed me down. They were the only people who made sure that I wasn't alone because they knew I would eventually end up with a bullet in my head without Fiona by my side."

Michael threw his car keys towards the living room; causing Maddie to jump and continued yelling. Madeline backed up but Michael closed the gap between them. His anger twisted face quickly changed into sadness. "Where were you when Nate died? I told you he was gone and you kicked me out of the house. I needed my mother and you turned me away. You ignored my phone calls and barely spoke to me at his funeral. I needed you to help me through his death and you treated me like a leper."

"What is this all about? What do you want from me Michael?"

"Just support me in this decision to not pursue Nate's killer, like everyone else has and stop blaming me for what happened. I made a mistake. I don't know how many times I need to apologize. I admit that I shouldn't have brought Nate with me and I hate myself for causing his death. I can never make this better. All I want is for you to stop hating me. If you can't understand what I'm saying, then its on you. I'm done with trying to get you to love me Mom."

Madeline saw her strong son standing in front of her with a completely broken heart. She hadn't realized that he had been feeling so many emotions and was so torn apart. Walking up to Michael, she tried to wrap her arms around him. Initially he tried to swat her away but eventually let Maddie hold him. "I do love you. I wanted you to hurt too but I never realized that you were hurting so much before Nate's death. That was wrong of me. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Eventually, the two of them moved into the living room and sat on the couch. They talked for hours about things from the past that they never mentioned, Fiona's feelings that something bad would happen in Panama if he went, his decision to leave the CIA and the things that were said in anger when he arrived at the house that day. "So what will you do now?" Maddie asked.

In a tired voice, Michael sighed and said "I don't know. I think we are going to go back to helping people who have trouble." As Michael talked, his phone rang. Fiona had called several times since he had been there. Each time she called he would simply tell her that he was ok. "I have to go home now Mom. I've put Fiona off enough today and I'm tired."

As Michael got up to leave, Maddie called after Michael and said "Besides staying with Fiona, i think this is the best decision you've made so far."

Giving her a small smile as he walked out the door, he said "Thanks Ma. I'll call you soon."

Back at the loft, Fiona jumped out of bed when she heard Michael climb the stairs. As soon as the door opened, she ran into his arms. After giving him a welcome home kiss, she looked at his face. "What did she do to you? You look so tired."

"I am. We had a fight. We both got nasty, but then things got better. Its ok now. Not like it was but we both need time to get past all of this. I just want to go to bed." Michael said, starting to take off his clothes.

Climbing into bed, Michael buried his head into Fiona's chest. No words were said. Fiona wrapped her arms around Michael and played with his hair until his breathing slowed and he fell asleep. Once she knew he was asleep, she kissed his head gently and waited for sleep to claim her also.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N~ Thanks to Noelle & Amanda for reading for me and helping me along! Sorry I took so long with this.

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Fiona rolled over in the middle of the night and reached for Michael but realized he wasn't in bed. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she saw Michael standing alone on the balcony. She climbed out of bed and sauntered over to him, snaking her arms around his waist.

"What's going on?". Fiona whispered against his back.

Michael turned around and leaned against the railing, pulling Fiona close to him. She closed her eyes as he inhaled and exhaled deeply, feeling completely relaxed in his arms.

"Just thinking."

Fiona smiled and said "Well, come to bed. I'll help you think."

"In a little bit. First Fi, I have to apologize." Michael said sadly, burying his face in her hair.

"Michael, there is nothing to apologize for. We've said everything that needs to be said. You explained everything to me in your letter and we talked the next morning"

He looked into her eyes and brushed the hair from her face. He gave her a sad smile as he started to speak. "I know but there is one thing I never told you. I realized something when I talked to my mother. Fi, I got a chance to make things right with my mom. I still have my mother and as fractured of a relationship we have, I know I can just go to her house and see her anytime I want. When I fell in love with you, back in Ireland, I took that from you. Because I was exposed as an American agent and you brought me into your missions, and my involvement with you ruined any chances you could have ever had for a relationship with your family. You can never set foot in Ireland again. You can never see your mother or brothers unless they come here to the states. That's all my doing. I am sorry I separated you from your family. I never thought my actions would have affected you so much."

Fiona laid her hand upon Michael's cheek, softly stroking it with her thumb. "You didn't do anything wrong. I fell in love with you. I insisted you joined the group. I chose to come to Miami and I chose to stay by your side whether it was good or bad. Sam and Jesse are my brothers and Madeline is my mother-even though I am mad enough to blow her up for how upset she has made you. You are all my family now. You are my country, my home...Michael, you are everything to me. Neither of us knew it would end up this way when we fell in love."

Michael kissed Fiona on her lips and rested his forehead against hers. "Sometimes I worry that I'm not enough.".

Looking into his eyes she saw fear and sadness. She noticed his hands were playing with the hem of her tank top, perhaps trying to distract his mind. She responded to him by saying "Michael, you are more than enough for me. Never think that you aren't. Remember, you and I are forever."

"You've done so much for me but I haven't done anything for you but cause you pain."

Fiona stood on her tip toes and pulled Michael into her arms. She felt her heartbreak as she saw how lost and forlorn he looked. "Sometimes you do cause me a little bit of unhappiness but its never long lasting. You need to realize you have done so much for me. Do you know what you've done for me? You have loved me. That's all I ever asked from you. I don't need flowers, hearts or a big house. All I have ever wanted was to be by your side."

They stood there in the darkness for what felt like hours. He wrapped his arms around her while she listened to his heart beat as he held her close. "She tried to blame you for all of this." he whispered.

Fiona was confused. "Who tried to blame me for what?"

"My mother blames you for Nate's death just as much as she blames me. She attacked you and I really lit into her. I let everything out. I even went back to my childhood. I feel so empty and tired. I never knew I could be so exhausted."

"You are exhausted and empty because you let go of all the pain and hurt. It holds you down and tries to drag you under." Realizing that Michael said Madeline blamed her, Fiona pulled back a little and said fiercely "How could she blame me? Doesn't she understand why I did what I did? Everything I did was to protect you. No one ever protected you, especially not her. I protected what is mine."

Michael walked into the loft and sat on the bed, placing his head in his hands. "She never saw it that way. She couldn't see it Fi. All she sees when she looks at me is the fact that Nate's dead." After a brief moment of silence he asked "Do you know how hard it is to tell someone how bad they've hurt you over your life?"

She sat down next to him and rubbed his back in a soothing circular motion. She heard him sniffle as she comforted him. "You tried to be her hero, to protect her and Nate, but you were really practicing to be my hero." Knowing that he would never show her his tear stained face, she forced his face to look at her. "You are my hero. You are my protector and I know you will strike down anyone who tries to hurt me. I love how you do anything possible to keep me safe. I love you."

With those three simple words, Michael lost all of his composure and crumbled into Fiona's arms. She pulled him into the bed and held him, whispering reminders of love into his ears. Eventually his sobs ceased and his breathing slowed. Once he fell asleep, she reached down and pulled the covers over them both and quickly went to sleep.

The next morning, Fiona was outside sorting through bins when Sam walked into the lot, closing the door behind him. "Where the hell have you guys been? I haven't talked or seen you guys since Mikey was going to leave for Panama and you said he didn't go. So what gives? I want to know what happened."

Fiona ran up to Sam, who was being loud, and covered his large mouth with her tiny hand. "Sam close your mouth. Michael is still asleep. He is exhausted and needs to rest and I don't want you and your big mouth to wake him."

Sam removed Fiona's hand from his mouth. He asked in a lower voice, filled with disbelief, "Michael Westen is still asleep?. Its 11am. What gives sister?"

"He had a fight with his mother, if you can call her that, and he didn't sleep well. He came home and he lost it."

"Lost it? How did he lose it? He didn't hit you, did he?". Sam asked, taking a closer look at Fiona for any signs of injury. He knew Michael would never hurt her intentionally, but if his head was messed with enough he might not realize what he was doing. While Fiona was stronger than any woman he knew, he knew she was no match for a distressed Michael. Even Sam knew Michael could easily take him in the wrong frame of mind.

Fiona, realizing what Sam was thinking, shook her head and said "He never raised a hand to me in all the years we have been together. He isn't that kind of man and you should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting that Sam."

"Come on Fi! We both know Michael and what he's like when someone gets in his head. As much as you hate to admit it, you and I have become pretty close over the years and I don't want anyone hurting you or making you upset, even Mikey. Getting you upset, that's my job." Fiona smirked and rolled her eyes at Sam. "What happened with Maddie and Mikey?"

Fiona slowly explained "He went over there to tell her that they found Nate's killer in Panama but he wasn't going on the mission. Michael left me about one in the afternoon and he was gone for hours. I kept calling to check on him, but he would answer and say he was ok and hang up. Sometimes I could hear her yelling or him breathing angrily. He came home, crawled into bed with me and we fell asleep. Michael got up in the middle of the night when he thought I was asleep and he told me what happened when he was at her house." Fiona said, trailing off at the end.

Sam asked Fiona "What did he say?" When she didn't answer, he slammed his hands on the work table outside. "Dammit Fi, tell me what he said."

Fiona put her finger to her lips to signal Sam to be quiet. "He told me that he felt bad about taking me away from my family and Ireland. He's worried that he isn't enough for me. His mother blames me just as much as she blames Michael for Nate's death. He told her how much she hurt him his whole life. Its mind-boggling how he functioned for so long keeping that inside."

"Whoa, back up. She blames you for Nate's death? You were in jail. How could you have had a hand in any of that?" Sam almost yelled.

"Sam, what's going on?" Michael asked as he began to descend the rusty stairs from the loft.  
"I heard you yelling from inside."

Fiona pointed her finger at Sam and scowled "I told you that you were going to wake him."

Coming over to Fiona, he gave her a kiss on the head. "I was already awake. No one woke me up." Giving Fiona a quick hug, he asked "Can I have some time alone with Sam?"

She stood on tip toes and gave Michael a quick kiss and left the men to their discussion. Michael smiled as he watched her climb the stairs and shut the door to the loft.

Once Fiona was inside, Sam leaned against the Charger and asked "You wanted time alone with me? I think you have me confused with Fiona."

Michael started slowly. "Nope. I need to talk to you Sam. I want to apologize to you." Both men continued to look straight ahead.

Sam felt uncomfortable so he decided to lighten the mood of the moment. "Well, a call letting me know you weren't running off to Panama would have been nice. Between you and Fiona theses past few months, I'm surprised I am not completely gray. "

Michael chuckled. "Sam, you know that's not what I'm talking about. I'm sorry I dragged into my battles. Truth is I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"You didn't drag me into anything. I chose to help you because you are my friend and you needed me."

Michael looked down at the ground and kicked a pebble that was in front of him. "I also need to thank you for helping me when Fiona wasn't here. I don't think I would be standing here if it wasn't for you. I'd either be in prison or dead." In a voice he thought Sam couldn't hear, Michael mumbled "Maybe we'd all be better off if I was dead."

Sam looked at Michael, who kept his gaze on the ground. "What did you say?" Michael looked away. "We both know that isn't true. If this situation had turned out any other way, Fiona would still be in jail or dead. Even if Jesse and I got her out, I would have had to take care of Fiona and your mother. Nate would have never taken care of your mother the way you have. The worst thing for me is that my brother would be dead. We're family Mike. You, me, Fi and Jesse are all family. I'd hate to lose any of you."

Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, Sam continued. "I hate what she does to your head sometimes. If she only knew the hell you were in before and after Nate's death, maybe she wouldn't throw all this on your back. Maddie has no right to blame you or Fiona."

Michael gave Sam a shocked look. "Yeah, I know about the fight. Fi told me. Look, it's no one's fault that Nate died. Sometimes people die. It's a fact of life. She has no right to treat you this way. You were protecting Fiona and if she was a good mother, she would have and would be protecting you still."

Sam pulled his keys out his pocket. "How about I come over with Jesse and Elsa tonight? We could have dinner together."

"Sounds good, but where are you going Sam?"

As Sam pulled the gate open, he looked at Michael and said "I have some things to take care of. I'll see you and Fiona tonight. I'll have Elsa call Fiona to set it all up."

Before Michael could stop Sam, Fiona appeared at the top of the stairs. "Where did Sam go so fast?".

Michael ran his hand through his hair and said "I'm worried, I think he is going to talk to my mother."

"Don't worry. They can both handle themselves without you being at the house. Come inside and let me take your mind off things, if only for a little bit." Fiona said in a husky tone.

Michael looked at Fiona who was beckoning him with her finger. He got to the top of the stairs and took Fiona in his arms, giving her a passionate kiss. As he shut the door behind them, he wished Sam the best of luck in his head


	7. Chapter 7

A/N...It a little shorter than usual, but I'm happy with it. Hope you are too! Love you all!

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Sam pulled into Maddie's driveway. He noticed that Michael had called a few times, but he let all the calls go to voicemail. He knew Michael was calling him to try and dissuade Sam from talking to Maddie, but it had to be done. Even if Michael unloaded what had been heavily laying on his heart, Sam knew Maddie still didn't know everything, only what Michael wanted her to know. All Sam knew was that Michael didn't deserve the treatment she was giving him.

"Maddie, you home?" Sam yelled as he walked into the living room.

Sticking her head out from the bedroom, Maddie said somberly "I was expecting you or Fiona to come. I'm actually surprised it wasn't Fiona."

"She's at home, taking care of Mikey. They've been locked away lately because he's been going through some stuff and they want to be alone." Sam said, trying to gauge Maddie's mood to see how best to approach her.

"They will get no interruptions from me. Whatever he is going through, those are his demons that he has to deal with. We talked and I know how he feels and he knows how I feel. Things ended ok. They aren't great, but they will be better in time. He told me everything and I know what he was going through. We both hurt one another." Maddie said softly, as she sat down at the dining room table and motioned for Sam to also sit.

Pulling out the chair at the head of the table, where Michael usually would sit when they gathered at Maddie's house, Sam began to speak. "You have hurt him, Maddie. I don't see how any kind of apology you give him will make up for it. You have no idea of the hell that boy has been though. I call him a boy, because the Michael that I just saw at the loft, isn't the same one who I met in Poland and have worked side by side with everyday for over six years. The Michael that I just saw was nervous and insecure. You have this ability to take the maybe one of the smartest men I know and reduce him to a scared boy in a matter of seconds."

Maddie rolled her eyes at Sam. "I do such thing. You are imagining that Sam. Maybe one too many mojitos today?"

Sam grimaced at her comment. "After coming here since Nate died, he comes back to the loft and either myself or poor Fiona has to build him back up into a man. As soon as he walks into the loft, he just sits in his damn green chair or goes to bed. He won't say a word. Eventually he can't think about it anymore and he ends up on the floor in tears because your cuts always hurt him the deepest. It happened after Michael was here yesterday. He broke down in the middle of the night because you placed too much blame on him and you attacked Fiona. Fiona shouldn't have to be comforting him. He should be taking care of her and you should be taking care of him. You should have taken care of him more when Fiona went to prison and especially when Nate died. Instead you cut him off and it broke him into a thousand pieces."

Shaking her head and her cigarette at Sam, Maddie said "I saw Michael after Fiona was taken into custody and he was fine."

Pointing a finger at the table, Sam explained "No, you weren't there the day she went to prison. Mikey saw her get arrested. He disappeared and no one could find him. I finally found him after I drove up and down each street. He had a letter from Fiona and his gun in the front seat with him. He was broken. If I hadn't gotten there sooner, he would have killed himself. At the end of that day, you should have called him. Even if he didn't answer you could have left a message. He needed to know you were there for him."

Sam avoided meeting Maddie's eyes. He could hear her inhale sharply and release a little gasp when Sam suggested Michael could have been suicidal. He decided to continue.

"You weren't there the first night when he went back to the loft and he just sat on the edge of the bed, holding onto her pillow for dear life. He alternated between deafening silence and these agonizing screams. When I finally got him to lay down in bed, he laid there and cried until he was so exhausted that he passed out. Do you know what its like to hear a grown man, a soldier, cry from someplace so deep inside that you know nothing you say or do will make it better? It breaks you too. I admit it, I cried with him that night too because no man should have to feel so alone or that much pain. Again, it would have helped him if you had been there Maddie."

"He had you, he was fine." Maddie mumbled.

"You weren't there for the fits of anger, rage and even hysteria. He turned over his workbench because he was so frustrated. I can barely move it and he flipped it in one move. The day Fiona got released from prison should have been the happiest day of Michael's life so far, but Nate screwed it up, just like he did to everything else he touched." Sam said, hoping Maddie would let him continue to speak.

"Do not bring Nate into this. I don't want to talk about Nate. Michael knows what he did was wrong and he accepts his blame. I don't know what you are trying to do here Sam, but I wish you would stop." Maddie begged in a loud voice.

Sam wasn't going to stop. He slammed his fist on the table making Maddie jump. "I'm damn well bringing Nate into this conversation. Michael told him to stand down. Nate never listened and would have spooked Anson if he kept up his antics. All he had to do was watch Anson and tell Mikey where he was heading. Instead, Nate wanted to please his brother. You instilled that into Nate. I think you made Nate feel like he had to make Mikey proud. Making it even worse, you make Mikey feel like crap because he didn't protect Nate, who never listened in the first place. They were always trying to please you, Maddie. You were the cause of a vicious little play that existed in your family. They were constantly battling for your love and attention." Pausing, Sam took a breath and exhaled slowly. "As much as my old man and my mom were always driving me to do better, to go farther in my life, I at least know they loved me unconditionally. Mikey can't say that about you and that makes me sad."

"Stop Sam, I get the point." Maddie said, trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

Ignoring Madeline's plea, Sam continued. "When Nate got killed, Jesse and I got Michael cleaned up and ready to come see you. He was a zombie. He told you about Nate and you kicked him out. He needed you to tell him that even though Nate was dead everything would be ok. The ride to get Fiona from jail was awful because he was just stuffing everything down inside from losing Nate and his visit here. We all knew he was going to break. You can't see your own brother get shot, your mother abandon you and not have a breakdown of some sort. Luckily he held it together until Fiona got in the car, then he let go of everything. The whole car ride home he cried while she held him. Fiona deserved a better homecoming than what she received. After everything she did to save your son's ass, she didn't deserve to be thrown into everything right away."

Maddie stammered "He didn't tell me and I had no idea how bad it all was."

"If you had talked to him, you would have known. If you had talked to him at the funeral, you would have known his heart was broken and that he was barely functioning. He's a good man and I hate the way you turn him inside out." Sam said sadly, finally finished with his speech.

"Its too late to fix things with all of us. Michael will be as distant as was before he got burned. I'm sure he told Fiona everything that went on here, so I don't think I'll be seeing much of her." mused Maddie.

Sam leaned forward and said "That's where you are wrong again. As mad as I am at you right now, I still want you, Mikey and Fiona to have some kind of relationship. Take the initiative. Call Mikey and Fi. Invite them out to lunch or have them come over for dinner. Do the things we used to do before all this ugliness came around. Don't wait for him to call you because he won't do it right away. The longer the wait, the bigger the gap and eventually it will be impossible to get close to them again. The ball is in your court."

"Michael and Fiona are lucky to have you taking care of them. I'll call him tomorrow." Maddie said.

Sam left Maddie's house and drove down the street. Once he was at the stop sign he called Elsa and told her everything that just happened.

"Sam, you are a true white knight. Come home and let the Queen reward you for being so galant." Elsa purred.

Smiling, Sam said "Sweetie, after today that sounds heavenly. I'll see you shortly." As he drove off to the hotel, he hoped Maddie held true to her word and would call Michael tomorrow but for the time being, he decided to just focus again on his little piece of heaven.


End file.
